The Judgmental Why vs. the Curious Why

When we’re reactive and then hard on ourselves about said reaction, there are essentially two roads we can go down. Two ‘why’ roads if you will.

The judgmental why sounds like this...

Why am I like this? Why do I always do this? Why can’t I be better?

As you read these three why questions, what did you think and feel? Judgement, shame, criticism, sadness, etc.

None of these things will help you as you work on your reactivity. Instead, they’ll send you into a spiral of thoughts that will likely lead to bigger reactions the next time around.

Now, imagine you are reactive and then go down the path of the curious why.

The curious why sounds like this...

Hmm..I wonder why I reacted like that. Why wasn’t I able to pause in that moment? Why was I so triggered and what was triggering me?

Do you see and feel the difference here?

The curious why is reflective and thoughtful and does not want to tear you down. Instead, it wants to help you do things differently next time in a way that serves you.

The catch with these two different whys is that the judgmental one tends to jump in as soon as you react. It’s a little quicker. But with lots of pausing and practice and a genuine desire to get curious about your thoughts and feelings, the curious why will start showing up much more often!